sorry if this is a jumble of thoughts, i had to write something for inkhaven quickly
Yesterday I wrote a post that involved describing things I’ve done in the past. To write it I had to recall many things I had done over the past couple years, and try to remember why I made various decisions. It was often hard for me to figure out why I did certain things, and throughout writing it I got pretty confused at what seemed like bad decisions from my past self. My reasoning for the decisions I made 2 years ago seems pretty foreign to me? Maybe this is just hindsight bias, but it seems like I continually made bad decisions even based on what I knew at the time?
Examples
- I started working and living by myself when I turned 18, but I didn’t really travel at all until I went to Manifest in 2024, when I discovered I actually really liked doing that.
- I stayed in my previous apartment building for too long instead of moving. There were other options that pareto-dominated my apartment, but I never moved even though in hindsight I definitely should have!
- I stayed in a job that I didn’t like for too long, and didn’t spend enough time looking at other options.
- I haven’t spent enough time going to events where I could meet other people I might like talking with.
- I didn’t apply to MATS 9.0 because they started asking for references on the application form, but I couldn’t think of anyone who liked me so I didn’t apply. Later I learned that someone actually did like me so much that they would have been willing to be a reference for me.
I stayed in circumstances I didn’t like for too long
I think I ended up taking the “default action” of doing nothing for too long, even when there were better options available that would have taken more effort to take.
Right now I try a lot to preserve optionality in my future actions, by not locking in my future circumstances much. (E.g. I’ve ended up living a kinda nomadic lifestyle instead of finding a more permanent home, I’m not tied into any long-term job that would take a lot of effort to leave, etc.)
What fixed me?
Idk, I don’t feel like I’ve fixed all of the underlying issues here. I feel like I still make a lot of bad decisions, and many of them involve waiting too long to do things. I think I was just around people who make good decisions more? I feel like most of the improvements in my decision making are downstream of going to Manifest (and the Bay Area generally) in 2024 and meeting others in the rationalism community. Whenever I get back from the Bay Area I feel a lot more energized to actually accomplish things and be ambitious. Probably I should reconsider the actions I take in my life more, and try harder to avoid the trap of falling into just keeping to the status quo?
